Facing Father’s Day
Posted by Becky Watson Lee on 10 June 2026
I remember my first Father’s Day after separating from my husband. My daughter wasn’t even two, and so had no awareness of what day it was, or what she was missing. I’m thankful for this blessing, but it was still a really difficult day, filled with grief over the family life I thought I would have, but didn’t.
Over the years, it’s still been a difficult day, not least as my daughter’s understanding has developed. But I offer these thoughts that have helped me to face Father’s Day with both grief and thankfulness.
Give space to grieve
God cares about all our emotions, and the Bible is full of people giving space to sadness and grief, including Jesus! He took time at Lazarus’ tomb to weep with Mary (John 11:35); he withdrew to take some time for himself after he had heard of John the Baptist’s execution (Matthew 14:13). It’s OK if your feelings are complex around Father’s Day. You may be grieving the family life you expected. You may feel anger towards your children’s father and how he has let down you and your children. You may feel guilty for taking your children away from their father, even if you know that it was the right thing to keep all of you safe. Take time to acknowledge those emotions – take them to the Lord in prayer, share them with a trusted friend or family member. It’s important to work through your own feelings so that you feel in a better place to help and support your children with their feelings.
“You may feel anger towards your children’s father. You may feel guilty for taking your children away from their father, even if you know that it was the right thing to keep all of you safe. Take time to acknowledge those emotions.”
Helping your children practically and emotionally
What this looks like will vary depending on the contact arrangements your children have with their father. Here are a few suggestions in both scenarios:
When your child has contact with their father
Validate your children’s feelings:
They may be excited to see their dad, they may want to make him a father’s day card. If so, that’s OK. You don’t need to affirm the goodness of their father, but you can affirm the validity of your children’s feelings.
Saying things like ‘I hope you have a lovely time, you can tell me all about it when you’re home’, or ‘you have made a lovely card’, or ‘you are very kind to dad’; support your children without saying anything positive about him.
Alternatively, they may be reluctant to go. Again, this can be really hard, particularly if you have court orders in place which fix the terms of contact.
As long as you feel your children will be safe visiting their father, you could try saying something like, ‘I hear that you don’t want to go. It’s OK to feel that way. Let’s think about something special we can do together when you get back.’ This helps you to stay neutral (not negative) when referring to their father, and to be positive about time with you.
Try to make arrangements about contact in advance and keep communication with their father short, factual. Make sure clear boundaries have been set about where and when handovers will take place.
When your child has no contact with their father
Give space for your children to ask questions and express their feelings. They may not be particularly bothered, particularly if they don’t really remember a time when their father was in their life. Or they may really struggle as they see friends enjoying special times with their dad, and feel they are missing out. They may feel angry. They may even blame you. This is not easy.
It’s very tempting to defend yourself, and talk negatively about your children’s father to help them understand why they are apart from him. But this isn’t helpful for young minds who are still trying to process and understand their world. Instead, you could try saying something like, ‘I hear that you are feeling sad/angry about not seeing your dad. It’s OK to feel that way and to tell me. I love you. Do you have ideas about something special we could do together to make our own tradition?’
Are there other positive parental figures in your children’s life who you can spend some time with on Father’s Day? Perhaps a grandparent, uncle, aunt or a friend from church? This might help to widen your children’s (and your!) perspective about the varied father figures that God provides to love and care for us.
Rembering the perfect father
I say this gently and with care, not as a trite sticking plaster to make everything better. Learning the truth that God is our Father can come with all sorts of difficulties for those of us who have been abused by fathers or father figures in our lives. But, over time, as I have reckoned with the implications of this precious truth, it has become a balm for my wounds and something that I have loved to share with my daughter. I have discovered what it means that God is a father to us as He is a father to Jesus. So let me encourage you with three incredible facets of God’s fatherhood.
We are loved like Jesus
The apostle John wrote his first letter to assure Christians of the eternal life that they have through Jesus. It is a letter bursting with truth about God’s love. At one point, John can hardly contain himself as he writes, ‘See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! (1 John 3:1). In the Old Testament, being a child of God was an identity claimed only by a few particular individuals like King David and those in his line, and by the nation of Israel as a whole. But since Jesus came, each individual Christian can claim this identity as their own in a very personal way. Why? Because Christians are united to Jesus so closely that His identity and perfect life become our own. God loves us as He loves His own perfect Son. He is a loving father to you, and to your children.
We are blessed like Jesus
Paul opens his letter to the Ephesians with this incredible declaration of praise: Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. (Ephesians 1:3). In Christ, we are blessed with every spiritual blessing. Not a few, not some token scraps, not even just enough. No, God our Father blesses us abundantly, richly, like an ever-flowing stream of grace. Paul goes on to list some of these blessings: adoption, redemption, forgiveness, spiritual knowledge, the Holy Spirit. These are big Bible words, but they indicate the extent of God’s generosity. He loves to lavish good things on His children who He loves. God is a generous father to you, and to your children.
We have a future like Jesus
In Romans 8:17, Paul calls God’s children co-heirs with Christ. Take a moment to let that sink in. Picture Jesus, the perfect Son of God, the One who deserves to inherit the kingdom. And then hear this truth – as God’s children, dearly loved, we are co-heirs with Christ. Our future is Jesus’ future. Everything that Jesus deserves will be lavished upon us who have trusted in Him and been united to Him. Jesus says in Luke 12:32, ‘your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.’ God does not begrudge us this gift. He does not treat us as our sins deserve, but delights to give us this prize. God is a joyfully generous father to you, and to your children.
Meditating on these truths about our Father God will not completely remove the complications around Father’s Day, the difficult emotions and tricky conversations. But I pray that they may nourish and encourage you that you may be able to face this Father’s day with both grief and gratitude.
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