Understanding domestic abuse

Finding the green flags in relationships

Posted by Becky Watson Lee on 29 September 2025

A similar thing can be said about relationships. At Restored, we are very mindful of ‘red flags’ – warning signs that a relationship is unhealthy and potentially abusive. We want to arm people with the tools they need to keep themselves safe. However, we also want to celebrate the ‘green flags’ – signs that a relationship is healthy and could help us move forward in our journey. 

Perhaps you are considering a new relationship? Perhaps you are already in one? Perhaps you are the friend or family member of a survivor, wondering how to help them navigate the first steps of a new relationship?  Through the lens of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, we’d love to share with you five green flags to look out for.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

‘Love is kind’: My emotions and opinions are valued

A healthy relationship is one where both partners’ emotions and opinions are equally valued. Both partners have the space and encouragement to share their perspectives and make their voices heard, even when those perspectives are different from one another. At the heart of this relationship is kindness – a desire to treat one another in the way that they want to be treated. A healthy relationship has a foundation of mutual respect, openness, communication and freedom to think and feel for yourself. In a healthy relationship, your partner will:

• Invite you to share your opinion, and really listen to it without being dismissive
• Accept your emotions and patiently walk with you in them
• Encourage you and give you space to share your thoughts and ideas with them and with other people

‘Love is not self-seeking’: My boundaries are respected

Whilst marriage is the uniting of two people as one flesh, this does not obliterate the individual personhood of each partner in that relationship. In a healthy relationship, each partner will respect the other person’s individual personality, preferences and wills. They will believe that their partner is not there to cater to their needs, and so they will respect one another’s boundaries. In a healthy relationship your partner will:

• Accept when you say ‘no’ and won’t push you further or seek to manipulate
• Respect and encourage your individual preferences, activities and friendships to flourish
• Will accept the autonomy of your body 

‘Love rejoices with the truth’: We take responsibility for our actions and emotions

Whilst there are healthy relationships, perfect relationships do not exist. We know that we are all sinners, we all fall short of God’s standards, and we will all do things that hurt the people we love. In healthy relationships, those mistakes and hurts aren’t covered up and there’s no room for blame-shifting. Each partner will own up to their shortcomings, but simultaneously, each partner will recognise that they cannot and should not expect their partner to fulfil all their desires for happiness. So in a healthy relationship your partner will:

• Apologise, without excuse, blame shifting or self-justification
• Freely forgive, without making you feel guilty
• Take responsibility for their own happiness and won’t burden you to meet all their needs

‘Love always protects’: I feel safe and supported

God has designed marriage to be the earthly picture of Jesus’ relationship with His bride, the church. Consider how safe we are in Jesus, how He has rescued us from darkness, how He has promised to always be with us and bring us safely home to Him. Whilst our partners will never be perfectly like Jesus, a healthy relationship will feel like a safe place. Each partner will support one another, recognise strengths and weaknesses, ask for help and share burdens. Each partner will provide comfort and love during times of difficulty. So in a healthy relationship your partner will:

• Ensure that you feel safe to be yourself and to express yourself
• Accept you and love you no matter how you are or what you are going through
• Will listen carefully to what kind of support you need and will act on that to help you

‘Love always hopes’: My achievements are celebrated

I love the story of the prodigal son, where Jesus tells us of a father who never gives up hope and who joyfully celebrates when his son comes home. This is what God is like as He celebrates His children coming back to Him. In a healthy relationship, each partner will reflect that love of God for one another. They will be so delighted in one another that there will be no place for jealousy or competition. They will rejoice when they see their partner flourishing and achieving. So in a healthy relationship, your partner will:

• Encourage you to pursue your interests, goals and ambitions
• Celebrate with you when you achieve your goals
• Nurture your self-confidence by believing in you

There are more green flags than those listed here – you may have spotted some in the rest of the passage from 1 Corinthians, or seen the outworking in your own relationships. Praise God for that! He has designed marriage as a beautiful gift, and we celebrate marriages that reflect the love of Jesus and the safety, security and flourishing His love brings. Let’s pray for more relationships and marriages in our churches that are characterised by this kind of love, and for the wisdom and discernment necessary to spot both red flags and green flags. Let’s change the story of marriage back to the way God intended it to be.