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Death of the Pastor’s wife: what our churches must learn

Posted by Jenni James on 17 September 2026

The three-part programme tells Mica Miller’s story, as she suffered years of abuse from husband John Paul, who was also the pastor of their local church, Solid Rock. Mica died aged 30 by apparent suicide, shortly after leaving JP. It’s not an easy watch and comes with a heavy trigger warning, but it highlights some crucial lessons that all churches need to learn from. 

Mica’s story is shocking and the abuse she faced from JP was extreme. It’s tempting to see it as isolated, even unique: her tragic death was enabled by the particular culture of Solid Rock church, the beliefs and experiences of many people around her, and the legal system of her state, which wasn’t sufficient to protect her. 

But, at Restored, our fifteen years of experience working with Christian survivors of domestic abuse tells us Mica’s story isn’t a one off. All those things may be true, but there’s an all too familiar pattern to the behaviour of John Paul (also known as JP) and the wider church community: perpetrators twisting scripture to keep victims trapped; people unwilling to believe that someone they know and admire could be abusive; churches without the structures in place to respond effectively to keep people safe and accountable. 

There are many things that can be drawn from Mica’s story. Here, we offer just three crucial lessons for every church to take away and carefully consider:

• Be intentional about your culture & teaching
• Develop robust policy and procedures
• Make sure everyone knows how to respond to abuse

We’ll explore each of these below.

1. Be intentional about your culture and teaching

How to you think about your leaders?

There were many aspects of the culture and teaching of Solid Rock church that enabled JP Miller to abuse Mica. Perhaps the most significant was his position as a respected, charismatic leader, ‘called by God’ to lead the church. It’s hard to underestimate how much more difficult this can make it for those abused by leaders to ask for help. 

It’s not wrong to trust and respect those in authority, and doesn’t mean we should view all leaders with suspicion. But it does mean that we need to be really careful about the culture we cultivate around them. Are leaders seen as infallible or unchallengeable? Do people feel safe and able to give feedback or constructive criticism, and is this received well? 

One trap that the Church too often falls into is to conflate the reputation of an individual leader with the reputation of the church as a whole, or even with the reputation of the gospel. A recurring phrase in the documentary is: “If JP’s behaviour becomes public knowledge, the church will fall apart”. Particularly in a setting like Solid Rock, where one leader becomes almost synonymous with the church itself, that might be true. When abuse by leaders comes to light, it is incredibly painful for congregation members who trusted them. But that’s never an excuse to keep it hidden. 

Our God is bigger than any one person. Hiding or ignoring abuse that will ultimately do more damage in the long run: as God’s people, we’re called to bring darkness into the light. This includes holding our leaders accountable.

A right understanding of forgiveness

Forgiveness is at the heart of Christianity. Jesus’s words to his disciples are well known: how many times should we forgive? “Not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (Matthew 18:22). When our leaders mess up, shouldn’t we respond with grace and mercy?

JP Miller’s relationship with Mica was concerning from the outset – they met when she was just a teenager and he 15 years her senior; both were married to other people when their relationship later developed into an affair. JP’s fellow pastor Pam Muise reflects on this in the documentary, explaining how she believed JP’s adultery to be a one time mistake, and that JP deserved forgiveness – he was a gifted teacher, and seemed clearly called by God to lead Solid Rock, so who was she to remove him from his position?

This understanding of forgiveness resulted in a missed opportunity to keep Mica safe and hold JP accountable. In cases of misconduct by leaders, suspension or removal from office will often be the right course of action. This doesn’t conflict with the gospel message of forgiveness, but protects the safety and integrity of the Church and its people. 

Teaching on marriage and relationships

The documentary is punctuated by clips of JP preaching, often about sex and marriage. They become increasingly troubling: JP taught that wives should always be willing to say yes to sex, and that saying no was a form of sexual immorality on par with rape which would cause husbands to ‘look elsewhere to meet their needs’. All the while, JP subjected Mica to horrific sexual abuse, with his twisted version of scripture use to justify his actions. 

Alongside this, Mica believed her role as a wife was to submit to her husband in all circumstances; the documentary shows her written prayers asking God to help her be a ‘better wife’. Mica also seemed to believe she should be loyal to JP over and above friends and family who wanted to help. Isolation is a key tactic of abusers, and this was another weapon in JP’s hands to keep Mica trapped. 

The teaching in your church might not be so obviously extreme. But still, it’s important to consider: do you regularly emphasise the equal value of both partners in a relationship? Do you make clear that wives have a right to say ‘no’ to physical intimacy without fear of consequences? Doing so will help to create a culture in which abuse is more easily recognised, and victim-survivors are more able to seek support.

2. Develop robust policy and procedures

In episode two, Pastor Pam Muise describes how she discovered more of JP’s adultery, and so decided to approach the church elders – but realised they had no desire to take action against him: “I realised the structure of Solid Rock Church. They had no power over JP at all”. 

Part of the tragedy of Mica’s story is that many people, including friends, family members, and eventually people like Pam, saw the red flags and knew something wasn’t right. They just didn’t have the structures in place to take any effective action.

The solution to this isn’t particularly groundbreaking: it starts with our church policies and procedures. In the UK, if your church is a registered charity, you are required to have proper safeguarding policy and procedures in place to protect people, and we mustn’t let this be an afterthought. 

Alongside this, you should consider what guardrails you have in place for your staff and leaders, including a Code of Conduct, Disciplinary Policy, employment contracts and volunteer agreements. If you’re not sure where to start, templates are available online, but you must make sure to adapt them to your context and make sure they are enforcable. 

Also key is effective line management, whether leaders are paid staff or volunteers. Regular check-ins enable ongoing accountability and provide opportunities to spot red flags. Remember: no leader is infallible, even gifted and charismatic ones; even senior leaders need to have someone to be accountable to on a day to day basis. This could be a board of trustees, a group of other elders, or an external/denominational point of contact – and it’s vital that they have the authority to take action when needed, unlike at Solid Rock Church.

3. Make sure everyone knows how to respond to abuse

It’s one thing to have good policies and procedures, but they won’t be effective unless they are well communicated. It’s important that everyone from our staff to volunteers to members of the congregation is equipped with knowledge of what to do if they suspect abuse. 

This starts by making it clear that your church is a place that will never tolerate abuse. As we’ve seen, this includes clear teaching and a culture that allows people to safely speak up if they’re worried about someone’s behaviour. At Restored, we’d encourage you to specifically talk about domestic abuse in your preaching and teaching on marriage and relationships – from the pulpit, in your small groups, and in any pre-marriage courses you run. Experience shows that this helps victims feel more able to ask for help. 

It’s also good practice to make your safeguarding policy publicly available, and there should be an easy way for anyone to report concerns. Could you clearly display posters around your church with the details of your Safeguarding Lead/team, and/or add a form to your website?