How can I identify a healthy relationship?

So, I think this is a good place to start. What does indifference look like? Well, I guess a person whose attitude is indifferent to us may say or act as though: your opinion, your ideas, your dreams, your values, your requests, your feelings don’t interest or concern me. Or more simply: I don’t care how you are doing or how you feel.

In my own words, this means: Equality, shared responsibility and the freedom to be yourself.

So, how do we measure this?

We could ask ourselves: do I feel safe and comfortable around them, do I feel free to express my thoughts, ideas and feelings? Another good way to assess this is to observe a person, pay attention to their other relationships and how they treat others. For example, in shops and restaurants, are they rude & critical or kind & respectful?

It is also vital to listen to your gut and pay attention to it, before taking any steps towards trust and vulnerability.

Another very important element of healthy relationships is sharing the same core values. So, ask yourself: do I share the same core values as this person? For example, do you value:

For me, this translates as: Does this person practice honesty or deception, do they love God in word and deed, are they quick to forgive and can they say sorry and then choose to turn away from whatever behaviour causes others offence or hurt? In other words are they open to feedback?

Another good measuring gauge offered is:

What an important question!

The reality is, if we care about someone or are in a relationship with them, how they act and treat us affects us. It’s called relational impact.

For me, the bottom line here is that we need others to care about how they affect us, or how their actions, decisions and words impact us.

Townsend goes on to say:

I think this is an excellent piece of advice.

Please know that my heart and prayers go with you, as we each try to navigate our way to healthy relationships, romantic or otherwise, post abuse.

God bless,

Nicole x

The Emotionally Destructive Marriage Lesley Vernick

Boundaries in marriage Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

Beyond Boundaries learning to trust again in relationships Dr. John Townsend