Recognising domestic abuse
It can be hard to know when behaviour within a relationship has become abusive, but this list of questions taken from the UK government is a good guideline.
If you answer yes to any of the questions, you might be in an abusive relationship. There are links at the bottom of this page to places that can help.
Tap the headings to see the questions that might help identify if you’re experiencing the different forms of abuse.
Does your partner ever:
- Belittle you or put you down?
- Blame you for the abuse or arguments?
- Deny that abuse is happening, or play it down?
- Isolate you from your family and friends?
- Stop you going to college or work?
- Make unreasonable demands for your attention?
- Accuse you of flirting or having affairs?
- Tell you what to wear, who to see, where to go, and what to think?
- Control your money, or not give you enough to buy food or other
essential things?
Emotional abuse is just as significant as physical abuse, and is a crime in the UK. You shouldn’t have to suffer in silence.
Does your partner ever:
- Threaten to hurt or kill you?
- Destroy things that belong to you?
- Stand over you, invade your personal space?
- Threaten to kill themselves or the children?
- Read your emails, texts or letters?
- Harass or follow you?
You shouldn’t have to feel afraid of your partner or be controlled by them. You deserve to get help.
Does your partner ever:
- Slap, hit or punch you?
- Push or shove you?
- Bite or kick you?
- Burn you?
- Choke you or hold you down?
- Throw things?
You have a right to be protected from physical abuse. In an emergency situation, call 999.
Sexual abuse can happen to anyone, whether they’re male or female: Does your partner ever:
- Touch you in a way you don’t want to be touched?
- Make unwanted sexual demands?
- Hurt you during sex?
- Pressure you to have unsafe sex – for example, not using a condom?
- Pressure you to have sex?
If your partner has sex with you when you don’t want to, this is rape.
You shouldn’t have to do sexual things that you don’t want to. If you’re experiencing sexual abuse, you can get help.
If you’re worried about a friend
If you are concerned that a friend is being abused, let them know that you have noticed that something seems wrong, but be careful not to push them to talk if they aren’t ready. Our instinct is often to step in and intervene, but this can dangerous for you and for them. Knowing that you care and are there when they are ready talk is hugely important.
If you hear or see an assault or think your friend is in immediate danger, you should call the police on 999.
Help for women
In an emergency, call 999.
If it’s not an emergency, call the free, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline.
Domestic Abuse HelplineHelp for men
In an emergency, call 999.
If it’s not an emergency, call the National Respect Men’s helpline, open Monday-Friday, 10am-5pm.
Men’s Advice LineSupporting someone else
If you’re currently supporting a survivor of domestic abuse or dealing with a disclosure, read these tips for how do to so safely and effectively.