Responding to domestic abuse

Three ghosts that still haunt the Church: part two

Posted by Becky Watson Lee on 16 January 2026

Growing to be like Jesus

What’s your church mission statement? Perhaps it includes phrases about sharing the love of Jesus, or spreading the gospel, or making disciples, or serving the community. Perhaps, like many others, your church explicitly states that it wants to become more like Jesus. It’s a brilliant and Biblical vision and goal for a church family. And yet, I would suggest, it’s a goal we are not reaching; those ghosts are holding us back. Having a church culture that reflects the character of Jesus is incompatible with a church that tolerates them. If we truly want to be like Jesus, we need to banish them from our churches. The great news is, the two things go hand in hand.

Whilst considering this, I have been enormously helped by Nay Dawson’s challenging book She Needs, which calls on churches to help women to flourish. She examines how Jesus dismantles the three ghosts identified by Jen Wilkin; the three ghosts that haunted God’s people in His time, and are still haunting the church and marriages today. It is as we learn from Him and grow to be like Him that we can banish the ghosts too, helping to create a healthy culture for men and women to flourish together in church and in marriage.

Jesus treated women not as usurpers, but as allies and teammates. 

We don’t know the full details of Mary Magdalene’s background, but we do know that it was broken – full of sin and suffering. We can read how Jesus sought her, delivered her from demons, saved her, welcomed her and gave her a new hope and purpose as part of His ministry team. Luke 8:3 credits her, alongside Joanna and Susanna, as women who supported Jesus ‘out of their own means.’ Jesus was not threatened by her or by other women. He did not think they needed to be put in their place. On the contrary, he valued their character and their talents and entrusted work to them. They were His allies and His teammates. Indeed, it was Mary, not Peter or John or another of Jesus’ male companions, who was tasked with sharing the news of His resurrection (John 20:11-18). Jesus instructed Mary to be the first to share the most powerful message that would change the world. What incredible dignity and value Jesus gives to Mary’s voice. 

Nay Dawson explains how important this is in the life of the church today:

Jesus treated women not as temptresses, but as sisters

Jesus was frequently criticised over the company he kept, especially ‘tax collectors and sinners’. On one such occasion, he was at a Pharisee’s house for dinner, and a woman who had ‘lived a sinful life’ came to Jesus to anoint Him. Luke records, ‘As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.’ (Luke 8:38). The Pharisee is unimpressed, and says to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner” (v39).  He believes that purity is found in avoidance. But Jesus believes purity is found in love. He doesn’t recoil at her touch, because He doesn’t sexualise her as everyone else did. He looks at this woman and treats her as a precious human being, of as much value as anyone else there. After rebuking the Pharisee with a parable, Jesus assures the woman of His forgiveness, salvation and peace (v48, 50). He values the love that she has shown Him, and He loves her in return, not as an object to satisfy sexual desire, but as a sister, part of God’s family. 

Dawson laments the fact that often Christian men are so convinced by the ghost of the temptress that they avoid friendships with women. Jesus’ behaviour is so radically different. He treated women as sisters, and this is first and foremost how men should relate to women in their churches, and in their marriages. Women are not provided by God as just potential or current sexual partners. Women are sisters, who can be loved, hugged, chatted to, welcomed and supported. A culture of healthy male-female relationships within churches will extend into marriages, where both partners freely enjoy friendships with both sexes without fear, and where no means no without consequence.

Jesus treated women not as children, but as co-labourers and co-heirs

The Bible records women being present for Jesus’ public sermons and His intimate gatherings (for example, Mary in Luke 10:39), but perhaps one of the most beautiful theological discussions Jesus had with a woman is in John 4. This woman has been ostracised by her community, treated with contempt and looked down upon. But Jesus doesn’t patronise or infantilise her, He doesn’t treat her as inferior, or intellectually stunted. He gently leads her through some rich theological truths, and promises that ‘Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.’ (v13-14). Jesus offers her eternal life – she can be a co-heir alongside other men and women in Jesus’ family. Even more than that, He empowers her to be a co-labourer in the gospel! She quickly tells people her story, and John records that ‘many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me everything I ever did.”’ (v39)

Dawson explains that ‘Jesus bucks cultural norms; he treats women with dignity and validates them as human beings made in the image of God.’ He isn’t dismissive of women but empowers them. Women, as much as men, have the intellectual capacity to think, articulate and make decisions, to rationalise, to reason, to debate, to teach. They shouldn’t be patronised, but welcomed as co-labourers within the church and within marriage. A Christlike church culture will see marriages where women are respected as equals, where their intellect is valued and where husbands and wives work together for the glory of God.